Neovison Vison; The American Mink

Identification: The American Mink is slim and weasel-shaped. He has luxurious dark brown fur with a white patch under the chin. From nose to tail they tend to be about 25 inches. They are excellent swimmers, and tend to be sighted near water.

The Mink and his Family; Good things in Small Packages

The mink belongs to a family of mammals known as mustelids. Some of his cousins include weasels, ferrets, wolverines, and badgers. I will readily admit to feeling a warm kinship with the mustelids, based on my diminutive stature. Although in this age of inclusive language and feel-good education the vertically challenged among us are not often explicitly disparaged, we sometimes find the smiles of fortune a bit diminished when cast our way. Although we at times break into the ranks of CEOs, prom kings, and other objects of public idolatry, in general we confront an unwitting conspiracy; occupying in the collective subconscious the less glamorous roles of sidekicks, comic relief, and sub par intellects. Now I'm not one to complain. Few characters provoke revulsion quite as readily as the disgruntled short man; the one with the "Napoleon complex," the one others assume is "compensating." I on the other hand, am normally content with the hand dealt me.

In the same way, many small animals are not without charm. A chipmunk will always bring a smile to my face. A bunny rabbit has no shortage of appeal. I would not scoff at a hamster.

Nevertheless, at times even the most docile among us feel less than resigned to our fate. Like Captain Ahab, we are tempted to wreak our hate on that inscrutable object, rebelling even against nature herself. Happily, mother nature has provided a solution. Every so often a Bruce Lee or Tony Jaa comes along to assure us that with a little discipline and self denial, we too could beat up NBA basketball players and handily defend ourselves from forty armed attackers. If we are not badasses, it is only because we choose not to be such. This in mind, we need not wreck the pequods that are our lives in vain striving.

In the animal kingdom, the mustelids are somewhat like this. They are small, yet ferocious. A weasel-like polecat might not be much more than two pounds, but he will take time out of his day to kill off a full grown adult human; provided she happens to be an overbearing governess for a sickly English boy (if the account in Sredni Vashtar is to be believed). The beagle-sized wolverine has been known to slay moose, and although typically unsuccessful, is not averse to giving a duel with a black bear the old college try. Mustelids are tough, athletic, and fierce hunters. The American Mink is no exception.

Behavior and Characteristics

The american mink lives mostly around water. He tends to be out and about in the evening hours, when he's typically not an easy one to spot. He'll eat fish and frogs, then climb out of the water and go catch a rabbit. Not only is he tough, he's also highly intelligent. Mink are smarter than cats, which is pretty good as animals go. He's not going to be discovering cold fusion, or threatening our jobs in the knowledge economy any time soon, but he's no slouch. Again, you could definitely beat him in trivial pursuit, but he's got what it takes to outsmart and catch dullards such as voles.

His Fur; Should you Wear it?

If you've spent any time around the mink you know he is incredibly handsome. Slender, well dressed in elegant fur, it's no wonder we envy his outergarmets. I'm not one to preach. You won't catch me on a corner downtown dumping paint on furclad old women. If we were all subsistence farmers and hunter gatherers I would have no problem whatsoever with dressing up in mink fur. However, in this day and age it is not practical or environmentally sound to be trapping huge numbers of wild mink to make fur coats. The only alternative is farming. Farming mink has one possible pernicious ramification that renders it thoroughly distasteful to me. This is that farmed mink have the potential to become a bit more docile, and less intelligent. While the existence of this phenomenon is disputed (so please read the research and make up your own mind; don't take my word for it), the possibility is enough to repulse me. Seeing a fierce and brilliant predator degraded is not a pleasant prospect to me. That's just me. I won't judge others. But no mink coats for me.

Further Reading

Vison, the Mink

Moby Dick (Oxford World's Classics)

Northeast Oddities; the Chincoteague Pony

If the Chincoteague Pony actually looked like this it might be interesting.

Identification: Oh no somebody stop the press, it's a horse and it lives outside.

Should you be in the northeastern United States, and develop an interest in wildlife, you will find that Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge is a fantastic place to view all kinds of birds, fish, and reptiles. It's a site well worth visiting. However, the most boring possible reason to visit is to see the ponies. Despite looking like horses, acting like horses, and not doing anything interesting at all except swim once a year, these ponies remain the park's star attraction.
Have you ever driven past a farm and seen a horse? Was it the thrill of a lifetime? Was it a check mark on the things-to-see before I die list? For some reason, if that same horse had been walking around a national park some awestruck passerby would be staring and pointing right now (Yes, I know that they are ponies, slightly different from your average horse).
Once I saw escaped feral bulls that lived in a dump. That was interesting due to the element of danger involved. Had they been ponies, it would have been a total snoozer.

Recently, I had this conversation with a young man who frequented the Island of Chincoteague. He attempted to equate the vulgar pursuit of horse watching, with the much higher avocation of birdwatching. His point I assume was something along the lines of digustibus non est disputandum, some like horses some like birds, some say toMAYto some say toMAHto, etc. It's a seductive argument I concede, one perfectly suited to this age of nihilism and moral relativism. However, one need not dig too deeply to discover its flaws. A brief round of socratic questioning will suffice:

Have you ever seen a pony fly? Have you seen a pony with a scarlet red body and black wings? Can ponies sing? Have you ever seen a pony dive into the sea from one hundred feet in the air, submerge itself completely , then fly away clutching a young striped bass? Have you ever seen a pony feast on the flesh of the dead?

I think not. Please don't try to argue that people can ride ponies. I think we've all seen The Swiss Family Robinson, and can attest to the fact that riding an ostrich is far better.

The Common Snapping Turtle; Chelydra serpentina

Identification: The Common Snapping Turtle is the largest turtle you are likely to see in northeastern ponds, lakes, and streams. It can have a shell length of about 20 inches. It's got a thick head and a strong sharp beak of a mouth. The feet are webbed and clawed. The turtle has brown shell with pointed ridges at the back, and a longish tail. It's not what one would call a friendly turtle.

Snappers; Can They Bite off your Fingers? Will They?

It is true, a common snapper has a strong bite, and could theoretically take off your fingers. You should not let this trouble you, as biting off your fingers is not at the top off any snapping turtle's daily to-do list. I have encountered many snapping turtles, and have found that they invariably swim away when you get near them. The only scenario where a snapper is likely to inflict a wound is one in which you attempt to handle him. Which brings us to our next sub-heading.

Snappers; How do you Handle them? Should you Handle them?

Snapping turtles don't take kindly to being pestered. If you try and pick one up, or touch one, it will most likely try and bite you. They have a surprisingly long neck, and can reach almost all they way back over their shells to snap you. They also have sharp claws, and will rake these against you in attempt to get away. These turtles are very powerful; you should not underestimate them. The best choice is to leave them alone. Let them go their own way. There is really only one scenario in which you may want to handle a snapper. That is when you find one stuck in the middle of the road, and you are concerned for it's safety. If you feel driven to play good Samaritan to a stranded snapper, the best way to go about it is to gently nudge it along with some kind of longish implement. A broom, a branch, a shovel, all these will do the trick. With a shovel you could even hasten its journey by gently scooping. If time is of the essence, and the road is busy, you may be forced to deal with the turtle manually. For this, will want to grab it by the very back of the shell, just behind the two rear legs. Don't try and hoist it too high, and don't let your fingers creep up. It will try and bite you.

DO NOT attempt pick up the snapper by it's tail. While this might protect you from getting bitten, it will hurt the turtle. It's worse than picking up a cat by it's tail. Once again, your best approach is to leave the turtle alone if possible.

Snappers; Diet and Attitude

Snapping turtles will eat just about anything that moves. A life long fisherman, I've accidentally hooked snapping turtles on every single type of bait I've used. This includes minnows, worms, salamanders, bread, and even chicken necks. I'm pretty sure they like frogs too, and obviously I found a picture of one eating a water snake. If you accidentally hook a snapping turtle while fishing, you will first think, "my line is stuck." As you pull forcefully and feel the line start to move you will then think "I guess I hooked a log and am hauling it in." Then, at the last minute a terrible looking turtle will pop out of the water snapping it's jaws all over in a menacing fashion. At this point you will be forced to cut the line.

As I mentioned before, snapping turtles do not have the sunniest disposition. Although they avoid humans because we are huge compared to them, they act like jerks any time they can get away with it. I once saw a snapping turtle try and bite a rabbit. The rabbit was grazing about six feet from the water's edge and the turtle climbed out of the pond to try and eat him. Obviously, the rabbit ran away before the snapper made it across the grass, but you have to respect the effort.

Snappers; Why do They Cross the Road?

Once you develop the capacity to easily identify snapping turtles, you will from time to time notice that they cross the road. Other turtles do this too, and it's not the best idea for an organism that moves about .065 miles an hour (estimated). I'm fairly certain they do this to lay their eggs. Did I research this fact? No I didn't. I could be completely wrong. It seems like a good guess, because I've notice that they tend to this in increased numbers at certain times of the year. I accidentally hit a snapper crossing the road once, and I felt awful. I only hit it because at least 12 snappers were crossing at one time, and I couldn't miss all of them. I am sincere when I wish that this never happens to you.