Odocoileus virginianus; the White Tailed Deer

Identification: It's a deer. Chances are, if you are in the Northeast and see a deer, it's a whitetail. They're brownish to rusty brownish. Sometimes the males have antlers. They vary widely in size; being anywhere from 90 to over 300 pounds as adults. The babies; also called fawns, have spots for a while, and possess a level of cuteness just below that of baby seals and piglets. As the name suggests, they have a tail that is white on the undersides. It often sticks up when they jump, which is among the better things they do.

The Whitetail; Familiarity Doesn't Quite Breed Contempt

When it comes to animals frequently seen in suburban settings, the whitetail's size makes him something of a formidable standout amongst his peers. While one easily becomes inured to the sight of frolicking squirrels, or even the odd groundhog, something about a 110-300 lb mammal seems to cry out, "lo, I exist," despite the best efforts of our minds to lightly regard all that lacks novelty. Size has it's appeal. One might easily dismiss the neighborhood child who scampers across the backyard in pursuit of a lost ball, but should his 200lb father pull up a lawn chair and plop himself down on the back porch we are apt to question the implications of his presence. So it is with the whitetail.

Never mind that; to put it gently, there is not a great deal happening between his ears, we'll still suck in our breath and marvel momentarily as he bounds across the yard at his top speed of 35-40 miles per hour. Meanwhile, we hardly think the common crow; by far his intellectual superior, worth any "oohs" and "aaahs" whatsoever. Shallow beings we all are. At least those of us who did not attend nature camp as children, or have similarly enlightening formation experiences.

The Whitetail; Impressive, Yet Flawed (as all are we).

Of course, the more we know of our friend the whitetail, the more we both admire his gifts and become aware of his failings~ much in the same way that many a student of Roman history has come to admire Cato the elder for his austere simplicity and opposition to decadence, yet frown upon his abilities as a husband. We admire the whitetails marvelous adaptation to the grazing, herbivorous lifestyle. He's constantly vigilant as he patrols the borders of treeline and marsh, treeline and field, treeline and backyard etc. One gets the feeling that a predator would be hard pressed to catch this deer unawares. Yet, in his vigilance of treeline and highway, he often seems to overlook the threat posed by thousands of pounds of metal hurtling by at tremendous velocities. He blithely hops in front of these in an unbecomingly cavalier fashion. Could he talk, would likely say, "no coyote here, all is well, excuse me while I prance among these vehicles."

True, the average male may boast of an impressive rack of antlers, depending on both age and nutrition. This adds to his imperial presence, and is useful in butting away other would be cervine lotharios. However, the male also attracts females by scraping away at vegetation and mixing glandular excretions with urine. Much as we might prefer to imagine him engaging in witty banter and spontaneous displays of floral generosity, this is not his way. Also, if you ever come close to a deer of either sex in the summer, you will find them a bit smelly and covered with flies. To be fair, we'd smell a good deal worse and attract more flies if left unbathed for weeks at a time in the woods.

Whitetail Parenting (Little Factual Information Provided)

The does, as far as I can tell, having both watched them in the wild and viewed the motion picture "Bambi" are excellent mothers. And who wouldn't be with the dear (ha ha) heart melting cry bleated by the young fawns. A kitten's mew is nothing alongside this delicate bleat. The fawn's cry is most apropos to our ongoing purpose in these pages, namely, to sound intelligent when discussing the natural world. As mentioned before, fact in and of itself, does little to impress the listener. A fact related to cherished emotional cues packs much more of a punch. Thus you might easily impress a new mother or grandmother by favorably contrasting the sound of her infant's cry with that of the whitetail fawn. She will no doubt be pleased, particularly if you are carrying on your person a device enabling live demonstration. I feel confident your audience will be both delighted and edified.